Anxiety and Ashes

I’m not sure how much I’ve ever conceptualized inner tranquility, how much I’ve ever meticulously examined what it might mean to live out trust, or if I could actually vocalize what it would mean to cede control.

Like right now I feel like my eyes are smarting from a bonfire gone bad of jobs-I’d-like-to-have and places-that-I-need-to-live, desperation the ignition for this blaze. But what if I was just crouching in contentment on the log and acknowledging the heat of the flames but not letting their height or color daunt me?

Perhaps there is an element of walking on faith that is not so much being willing to do what you do not want to do but in actuality doing what you have no idea what you are doing. And being okay with it. (Even if it means I so utterly out of control)

Are you nodding your head God? Are you laughing? Am I right?

Let it burn away my need to know and my obsession with regulation and what was anxiety is now but ashes. Now but aspiration–not to do–but to be. 

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