Attention. It’s kind of bizarre that in the sense the more I get of it, the more I crave it.
But not from everyone. And then when everyone does want to give it to me I want to run away to my house and blast KNBR and sleep.
Beggars cannot be choosers but sometimes, sometimes, I just wish I was forgotten permanently by those few that I want to see because I’m tired of their lukewarm involvement in my life.

I can completely, totally, wholeheartedly understand now when Jesus says that if you are lukewarm about him He will spit you out of his mouth.
Always my friend? THANK YOU. Never my friend? It bothers me….
BUT
To make me sooo delighted half the time and then do your own thing the other half only wrenches my heart even more. Worse yet, it causes me to compromise myself.
NO.NO.NO.

(That I can have the backbone to put my foot down)

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