Truly Today is Spectacular

I am short and I have brown hair that barely reaches the midpoint in my back.
I have danced for lifetimes before I was reasoned into stopping.
I have laughed volumes at inside jokes that I wasn’t getting.
I have pretended to be what I was in an effort to be convincing.

I have friends that look at me and one girl.
I have friends that look at me and another girl.
I am not sure if even in my happiest moments if I was true to me.
I have been desperate before and understood that I was.

I have had a time consuming and exhausting infatuation with a friend.
I have hugged a boy before that made me wonder.
I have been shy to attract attention.
I have done things that I wouldn’t do because I hate myself.

I have been in love with Jesus Christ.
I have let him guide me in parts of my life.
I have stood up for him in front of people.
I have embarrassed him in front of people.

I would like to be considered beautiful.
I would like an A in English even more.
I have just gotten an 100% on my Pre-Cal test.
I have danced in the rain before and not even gotten sick.

I would like to have someone hold me and take care of me.
I would like to take care of someone.
I wish that I had a dog who would comfort me.
I wish I had a healthy way to release anger.

I have been considered random.
I have been known to be smart.
I have been known to be boring.
I wish that someone would be able to see the entire me before they judge.

I have only given my school friends possibly 30% of me.
I have given my ballet friends possibly 40%.
I have given most camp and church friends 60%.
I have given Heather and Chris 69%.

I feel bad that everyone has failed at getting to know me.
I think its their fault they don’t understand my sports side.
I think its my fault that I don’t tell people my romantic life.
I don’t know how much more I want people to know me.

I think my sisters will never cease to bring out the most in me.
I think all my favorite memories will always include them in someways.
I think I will never remember my Moreau friends after graduation.
I think I will always want to meet the HSM cast.

I think this has been a really healthy breakdown.
I think talking to the computer and having your friends analyze your thoughts is healthy.
I think that Jesus will save you if you let him.
I think that I am going to talk to him right now.

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7 thoughts on “Truly Today is Spectacular

  1. i like the layout, but i HATE that new fashion that girls have where they wear the leggings under the mini-skirt…i hardly care about fashion in girls but goodness…okay, so i think this was a very healthy post. And if half the people knew yours and my unhealthy obsession with sports, than I’m sure they would just think we’re weird. Like when you blew up at awana last thursday over schmidt and the ewings just kinda looked at you odd, I just laughed. hahahaof course, we are odd…we are imperfect. But I love the way you have so much passion and care so much for life, even if you feel like youre not always giving 100%. Effort has to start somewhere, and you seem to always strive for that starting line with only the finish in sight. =)

  2. breakdowns are healthy. they’re relieving arent they?
    with all the work we do, its a bit straining, isnt it. dont doubt its worth later
    even if you dont remember me or anyone else after moreau, at least know now that i love you very much :] and i can definitely relate to this.

  3. wait, when did you call me? or is that your message to call you.. i’m so confused. i’ll try, but i’m supposed to be doing school!

  4. That extra 9% has been nothing but beautiful. I don’t care how ugly and vulnerable it seemed, all that I know of you is beauty through pain, living through life, striving through hardship. I know there’s more. I don’t know if you want me to know that. And I’m okay with that. There’s more to me too that you’ll ever know.That’s why Jesus.Do I need to say more?100% baby.Thank God for breakdowns. Thank God for the breaking down.Thank you God for breaking.THANK YOU FOR HEALING.

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