Chris may hate me

but this could be so much bigger than whatever Vince Young did to the Trojans last year.

Barry Zito. In a Giants uniform.
Oh my freaking gosh…..

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Truly Today is Spectacular

I am short and I have brown hair that barely reaches the midpoint in my back.
I have danced for lifetimes before I was reasoned into stopping.
I have laughed volumes at inside jokes that I wasn’t getting.
I have pretended to be what I was in an effort to be convincing.

I have friends that look at me and one girl.
I have friends that look at me and another girl.
I am not sure if even in my happiest moments if I was true to me.
I have been desperate before and understood that I was.

I have had a time consuming and exhausting infatuation with a friend.
I have hugged a boy before that made me wonder.
I have been shy to attract attention.
I have done things that I wouldn’t do because I hate myself.

I have been in love with Jesus Christ.
I have let him guide me in parts of my life.
I have stood up for him in front of people.
I have embarrassed him in front of people.

I would like to be considered beautiful.
I would like an A in English even more.
I have just gotten an 100% on my Pre-Cal test.
I have danced in the rain before and not even gotten sick.

I would like to have someone hold me and take care of me.
I would like to take care of someone.
I wish that I had a dog who would comfort me.
I wish I had a healthy way to release anger.

I have been considered random.
I have been known to be smart.
I have been known to be boring.
I wish that someone would be able to see the entire me before they judge.

I have only given my school friends possibly 30% of me.
I have given my ballet friends possibly 40%.
I have given most camp and church friends 60%.
I have given Heather and Chris 69%.

I feel bad that everyone has failed at getting to know me.
I think its their fault they don’t understand my sports side.
I think its my fault that I don’t tell people my romantic life.
I don’t know how much more I want people to know me.

I think my sisters will never cease to bring out the most in me.
I think all my favorite memories will always include them in someways.
I think I will never remember my Moreau friends after graduation.
I think I will always want to meet the HSM cast.

I think this has been a really healthy breakdown.
I think talking to the computer and having your friends analyze your thoughts is healthy.
I think that Jesus will save you if you let him.
I think that I am going to talk to him right now.

Speechless <3

I had a blast with thee Ballet friends on Saturday.
I guess despite what I may say about camp, about feeling totally loved there…correction: that was ballet.
I left these people and told practically no one. I didn’t talk to most of them from June to last weekend.
I was too ashamed to email or call most of them.
I was a coward.

But these people are amazing. I was received with such warmth and love and tenderheartedness it was really like I had never left. ever. I wasn’t ignored. No one was angry or bitter towards me. Everyone included me. I was back in the family. Not only did they miss me but they wanted me there.

Parents came up to me and asked why I left. My friends of all ages pleaded with me to come back. Everyone was oh so glad. Yes and  I got a million offers, which I did accept, to take the company class!

From the bottom of my heart I want to thank Joyce, Olivia, Kimberly, Sarah, Melissa, Emma, Edith, Claire, Leah, Helene, Rachel, Miss Peggy, Miss Darlene, Miss Joy, Miss Heidi, Omar, Larissa, Lillian and Krista for an absolutely fantastic time. Nutcracker was amazing and You guys made my year!

I will never forget you guys no matter what happens with me and ballet. ❤